DRAFT — This letter was written but never sent or published. Captured from “Letters to Lucca - Stoicism.docx”. Chris’s working notes are preserved at the bottom.
November 27, 2018
What I Learned from Stoicism
Dear Lucca,
One of the most eye-opening discoveries for me has been the philosophy of Stoicism. There is so much to learn from here that in many ways is more relevant today than it was hundreds of years ago. The foundation of the philosophy is this: it is our perception of things – rather than the things themselves – that cause most of our troubles. Here are just a few of the important lessons I strive to remember and practice. I hope you do too.
Differentiate between what you can control and what you cannot. Between what you can influence and what you cannot. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
All we have is our own mind. You can’t control the situation (good or bad, fair or unfair), but you can control what you think about it and how you respond to it.
Your problems will follow you wherever you go. You can’t avoid stress or hardship. Serenity is derived from your choices and judgment, not your environment. This is the only thing that can never be taken from you.
Your circle of control contains just one thing. Your mind. There is clarity in simplicity.
External things can’t fix internal issues. Examine your impulses. The more you desire, the less free you are. Cultivate interests below your means. Happiness equals expectations minus reality.
Be ruthless about the things that don’t matter. One of the hardest things in life is to say “no” but the more you say no to the things that don’t matter, the more time you will have for the things that do.
Take the time to figure out who you are and what you stand for. Then, begin with the end in mind. Let all your efforts be directed toward something. Otherwise, how will you know how to spend your time each day?
Just begin the work. The rest will follow.
What happened yesterday is in the past. No matter how disappointing, we can restart whenever we like.
Take the time to look inward and reflect. Keep a journal. Notice what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Write down what you hope to work on. Be honest with yourself.
Approach every task as if it is your last. Focus on what is in front of you.
Do your job. Find clarity in the simplicity of doing one thing.
If you want to learn, be content to appear clueless. One of the most powerful things you can do is say, “I don’t know.”
Tap the brakes. The busier you get, the further you may drift.
Don’t let your emotions control you. Reacting emotionally will only make things worse. Anger never solves anything. It only makes things worse. It’s a weakness. It’s toxic. Strength is the ability to maintain a hold of yourself. It’s being the person who can’t be rattled.
Think before you act. Impulses will come and go. Your job is to control them.
Keep constant guard over your perceptions. The next time you get upset, ask yourself, “Who is in control here? Is this actually making me feel better?”
“We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind – for things have no natural power to shape our judgments.” – Marcus Aurelius
“There is nothing so certain in our fears that’s not yet more certain in the fact that most of what we dread comes to nothing.” – Seneca
What we desire makes us vulnerable. To want nothing makes one invincible. “It is quite impossible to unite happiness with a yearning for what we don’t have. Happiness has all that it wants, and resembling the well-fed, there shouldn’t be hunger or thirst.” – Epictetus
“Curb your desire – don’t set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need.” - Epictetus
“You shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don’t care at all.” – Marcus Aurelius
There is really no such thing as a good or bad situation. Good or bad is determined by our own reaction. If we retain control, we decide. Stop. Breathe. And regain your composure.
Eventually, we all pass away, so enjoy our brief time here.
Cultivate the ability to judge yourself accurately and honestly. Look inward to understand what you’re capable of and unlock that potential. “It is thought that an animal has self-awareness when it is able to fully recognize itself in the mirror.”
“Take great care with the inside and not what’s outside.” - Epictetus
Take an inventory of your obligations from time to time. Do I need this? Is it superfluous? What’s this actually worth? What’s it actually costing me? “The person is free who lives as they wish.” - Epictetus
Protect your mind. We instinctively protect our physical selves but often neglect our mind. Maintain control over your perceptions. Your mind is your most prized possession.
Consciously consider whom you allow into your life. Ask yourself about the people you meet and spend time with: Are they making me better? Should I spend more or less time with these folks? “If I know how you spend your time, then I know what might become of you.” From good people, you will learn good. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You become like your friends. “Tell me with whom you consort and I will tell you who you are.”
Many successful people are prisoners in jails of their own making. “Slavery resides under marble and gold.” - Seneca
“It is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.” - Epictetus
Yesterday is the past. Tomorrow’s the future. But today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present. The present is in our possession but it has an expiration date. “Keep in mind that no one ever loses a life other than the one they are living and no one ever lives a life other than the one they are losing.” - Marcus Aurelius
We always have a choice. You are the only one in control. Those emotions you feel. They come from the inside. Someone can’t frustrate you. Work or school can’t overwhelm you. These are external forces. They have no access to your mind. “There is nothing good or bad outside my own reasoned choice.” - Epictetus
There are two ways to be wealthy - to get everything you want or to want everything you have. Which is easier? If you always struggle for more, you will never be free. “We buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like.” - Fight Club
“Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought.” - Marcus Aurelius. If you hold a perpetually negative outlook, soon enough everything you encounter will seem negative. Put your guard up and decide what you allow in.
We are not as smart as we think we are. Wisdom comes from questioning and humility. Not from certainty, mistrust, and arrogance. Ask yourself: What haven’t I considered? Why is this thing the way it is? Am I part of the problem or the solution? Could I be wrong here? “Throw out your conceited opinions, for it is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.” - Epictetus
There is always someone smarter, more successful and wiser. Be willing to learn from anyone and everyone, regardless of their station in life. “Every man I meet is my master in some point and in that I learn of him.” - Emerson
“It isn’t events themselves that disturb people, but their judgment about them.” - Epictetus
Your attention is one of your most critical resources. Don’t squander it. Einstein didn’t invent the theory of relativity while he was multitasking. It came when he had the time to focus, think, and study.
Don’t be ashamed to change your mind. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” - Emerson
See each day as a training exercise. When you catch an elbow, shake it off and remind yourself: I’m learning.
Focus on your choices. Ignore everything else. Do good things. Any other source of joy is outside of your control. “If you want some good, get it from yourself.” - Epictetus
You only get one shot at today. Then it is gone. Lost forever.
Most rudeness, meanness, and cruelty are a mask for deep-seated weakness. “The greatest portion of peace of mind is doing nothing wrong.” - Seneca
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle
Take pleasure from your actions. Not the results that come from them. Focus on process. Not outcome. Your ambition should be to play with maximum effort. Not to win. To help and to do what is right. Not to be thanked or recognized. To focus on how you respond. Not on what happened to you.
We regularly covet what others have. Fight your urge to gather and hoard. It won’t make you happy. Appreciate what you already have.
Momentum creates success. Start with one day. Then do the same the following day. And the day after that. Build a chain and don’t break it. Don’t ruin your streak.
How you do anything is how you do everything. How you handle today is how you’ll handle every day. How you handle this minute is how you’ll handle every minute. Today, not tomorrow, is the day you start. “Pay attention to what’s in front of you - the principle, the task, or what’s being portrayed.” Marcus Aurelius
Diligence is the mother of good luck. The harder you work, the luckier you will be. Luck is where hard work meets opportunity.
Think about what you think. Don’t worry about what other people think.
The little things add up. The individual action may be small, but the cumulative impact of many choices is not.
Evaluate what you are doing, why you are doing it, and where accomplishing it will take you. If you don’t have a good answer, stop.
Do your job. It is your basic duty, yet we are experts at making excuses and avoiding it. “What is your vocation? To be a good person.” - Marcus Aurelius
You have a choice. You can focus on how you’ve been wronged. Or you can use what you’ve been given and get to work. “Sit and pray your nose doesn’t run. Or, rather just wipe your nose and stop seeking a scapegoat.” - Epictetus
Ignore the big picture. Follow “The Process” and you’ll be too busy putting one foot in front of the other to even notice the obstacles. Focus instead on doing the smallest things well. Practice with 100% effort. “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” - Bruce Lee
Rivers are easiest to cross at their source. Solve problems early when it’s easier to slow them down.
Always say less than necessary. “The reason we have two ears and only one mouth is so we might listen more and talk less.” - Diogenes
You don’t have to face everything on your own. “Don’t be ashamed of needing help.” - Marcus Aurelius
The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything up close. Sometimes, it’s counterproductive and overwhelming to be thinking of everything that lies ahead. “Don’t let your reflection on the whole sweep of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present.” - Marcus Aurelius
Calm is contagious. It’s the leaders job to do one thing - instill calm, not by force, but by example. Don’t be the agitator, the worrier. Be the calm, not the liability. You’ve got this.
Take a walk. “It is only ideas gained from walking that have any worth.” - Nietzsche
Failure is a part of life. But learning from failure is optional. You have to choose to learn. You must consciously opt to do things differently.
How you handle even minor adversity may seem like nothing. But it reveals everything.
Do your job. Whatever happens, whatever other people’s jobs happen to be, do yours. “Never shirk the proper dispatch of your duty … Whatever anyone does or says, I must be what I am and show my true colors.” Marcus Aurelius
“Love the humble art you have learned, and take rest in it.” - Marcus Aurelius
Nobody has to do the right thing. But you get to. And you should want to. “Nothing is noble if it’s done unwillingly or under compulsion. Every noble deed is voluntary.” - Seneca
Take pride in your work. But don’t get so wrapped up that you ignore life around you and what’s important. Money and “success” are not enough. “When you see someone often flashing their rank or position, or someone whose name is often bandied about in public, don’t be envious; such things are bought at the expense of life … Some die on the first rungs of the ladder of success.” - Seneca
It’s not enough to not be evil. You must be a force for good. All evil needs to prevail is for us to do nothing. “Often injustice lies in what you aren’t doing, not only in what you are doing.” - Marcus Aurelius
The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish. The inexperienced and fearful talk to reassure themselves. The ability to listen is rare. Silence is strength. “Since the vast majority of our words and actions are unnecessary, corralling them will create an abundance of leisure and tranquility.” Marcus Aurelius
Perfection rarely begets perfection. Only disappointment. Pragmatism has no such hang-ups. You’re never going to be perfect. You’re human. Your pursuits should be aimed at progress instead. Perfection is the enemy of action. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Don’t settle or compromise your standards. But don’t become trapped by idealism. Do what you can. Now. And when you’ve done it, keep it in perspective.
The only way to prove that you truly understand what you speak and write is to put it to practice. Speak with your actions, not your words. You are the sum of your actions.
Don’t be miserable in advance. “It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest - by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.” - Seneca
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t spend your time on things that don’t matter. “It is essential for you to remember that the attention you give to any action should be in due proportion to its worth, for then you won’t tire and give up, if you aren’t busying yourself with lesser things beyond what should be allowed.” Marcus Aurelius
Laugh about it. “We should take a lighter view of things and bear them with an easy spirit. For it is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.” - Seneca
Be happy with little. There is no correlation b/t happiness, success and luxury. “Live well, but not in luxury. Everything needed for our well-being is right before us, whereas what luxury requires is gathered by many miseries and anxieties. Let us use this gift of nature and count it among the greatest things.” — Seneca
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.” - Seneca
Healing hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. That’s how you develop the will to endure and persevere through life’s many difficulties.
Most people who have gone through difficult periods in their life come to later wear those experiences as a badge of honor. As tough as those times were, they were ultimately formative experiences. They made those people who they are. “I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent - no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” - Seneca
The biggest benefit of misfortune is walking away with a better understanding of your own capacity and inner strength. You know that in the future you can survive adversity. “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” - Nietzsche
You can be toppled from your perch and made to do with less at any moment. One way to protect yourself is by living within your means now. “Here’s a lesson to test your mind’s mettle: take part of a week in which you have only the most meager and cheap food, dress scantily in shabby clothes, and ask yourself if this is really the worst that you feared. It is when times are good that you should gird yourself for tougher times ahead, for when Fortune is kind the soul can build defenses against her ravages. So it is that soldiers practice maneuvers in peacetime, erecting bunkers with no enemies in sight and exhausting themselves under no attack so that when it comes they won’t grow tired.” - Seneca
Overconfidence is a great weakness and a huge liability. But if you stay humble, no one will need to humble you. If you stay down to earth, no one will need to bring you back down. If the bubble is never inflated, it won’t pop.
When someone has a strong opinion about something, it usually says more about them than whatever or whoever the opinion is about. Your job is hard enough already. Don’t make it harder by thinking about what other people are thinking. “What if someone despises me? Let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won’t be found doing or saying anything contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I’m kind and good-natured to all, and prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully.” - Marcus Aurelius
Nothing is unending. You just need to be strong enough to power through it. Conditions change. Circumstances arise. The point is not to have an iron will. But to adapt. Flexibility is strength. “When forced, as it seems, by circumstances into utter confusion, get a hold of yourself quickly. Don’t be locked out of the rhythm any longer than necessary. You’ll be able to keep the beat if you are constantly returning to it.” - Marcus Aurelius
Difficulties show a person’s character. Everyone has found themselves outmatched by an opponent. How we respond to that struggle tells us about who you are and who you’ll be.
Just because something is good for you, doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone. “That which isn’t good for the hive, isn’t good for the bee.” - Marcus Aurelius
What is said, can’t be unsaid. “Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue.” Zeno
Watching other people succeed is one of the toughest things to do - especially if we’re not doing well ourselves. Put aside jealousy and teach yourself to cheer for others.
Set personal standards and don’t compromise. Pause and ask yourself: Is this the kind of thing the person I would like to be should do? Be the example others should follow.
There is almost no situation where hatred helps. Almost every situation is made better by love and kindness. “In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” - The Beatles
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity or laziness. Don’t jump to conclusions. Be accommodating with your assumptions about other people and you’ll find calmer seas and fairer weather. This makes life easier to bear and makes us more tolerant. Assuming malice makes everything harder to bear. Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked.
At the same time, keep in mind, “There’s nothing worse than a wolf befriending sheep. Avoid false friendship at all costs.” - Marcus Aurelius
No one gets to enjoy their own legacy. All we can do is focus on being the best person we can be in the present moment. On doing the right thing, now.
Remember. Events are objective. But how we describe it is on us. It’s only our opinion that determines if something is good or bad. We can’t control things but we can control our attitude and response to things. “When you are distressed by an external thing, it’s not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgement of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment’s notice.” - Marcus Aurelius
Life can change in an instant. No amount of prosperity and no amount of difficulty is certain or forever. Remember, today, how often it does.
Leave other people to their faults. Accept them. Don’t judge them. Only your faults are in your control.
Attachments make it hard to accept change. They make us slaves to maintaining the status quo. Attachments can come and go. The sooner you realize this the easier it will be to accept it. “The glass is already broken” - Story of a Zen Master
Time is our most irreplaceable asset. We can’t buy more of it. We can only work to waste as little as possible. Use every day. Don’t wait. “Life is long if you know how to use it.” - Seneca
We all face the same end. The next time you feel yourself getting all high and mighty - or conversely, feeling low and inferior - remember, we all end up the same way. No one is better or worse. You’re just one person among many. Do your best but don’t think everything rises and falls on your every move. “Think of the whole universe of matter and how small your share. Think about the expanse of time and how brief - almost momentary - the part marked for you. Think of the workings of fate and how infinitesimal your role.” - Marcus Aurelius
One day, our hours will run out. Make them count. Don’t take them for granted. Strive to make yourself just 1% better every day. “Many times an old man has no other evidence besides his age to prove he has lived a long time.” - Seneca
The mind is a muscle. And like every other muscle, it can be strained, overworked or even injured. Like our physical health, it can be worn down by overcommitment, lack of rest and bad habits. “The mind must be given relaxation - it will rise improved and sharper after a good break.” - Seneca
“What difference does it make how much there is laid away in a man’s safe or in his barns, how many head of stock he grazes or how much capital he puts out at interest, if he is always after what is another’s and only counts what he has yet to get, never what he has already. You ask what is the proper limit to a person’s wealth? First, having what is essential, and second, having what is enough.” - Seneca
Draft notes (Chris’s working notes)
And here are some of the books and other articles I’ve read on the topic. Hope you will explore many of them when you are old enough to read and mature enough to understand their significance.
- The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday (original source of these notes)
- Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday
- The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday (CP: add your notes here)
- Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (Gregory Hays, Modern Library)
- On the Good Life, Cicero
- Nature and Selected Essays, Emerson
- Discourses and Selected Writings, Epictetus (Penguin)
- The Essential Epicurus, Epicurus
- Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl
- Letters from a Stoic, Seneca (Penguin)
- On the Shortness of Life, Seneca (Penguin)
Other Ideas:
- Ask Elizabeth or Caylynn to review and organize content.
- Layout chapter titles for organization/themes.
- What to do with this?